Getting ready for 2017

2016 has been a great learning year.

For so many years I dreamed of moving away from from. That was my main focus. The goal LONDON. I achieved it this year. I had many amazing experiences. Touring Europe. I got to toss a coin in the Trevi Fountain (this was on the top of my list since I saw Lizzie McGuire). Visit Budapest and fall inlove with a sunset. Get legally high in Amsterdam. I got to be in the same room as J K Rowling – even got to go to the cafe she wrote the first Harry Potter book (well at least some if it). I got to experience the most amazing plays. I also overcame some major fears. This year I also, like previous years, felt very lost. I felt what it feels to be truly lonely. I got trapped in bad habits and darkness. I didn’t expect to feel this when I moved. I was ignorant enough that purely a change of location would solve all my problems. Little did I know that location doesn’t change mind set. That is up to me.

I have always thought I understood myself. I felt superior sometimes. Like I had life figured out. I make my goals, I would have them clear in my mind and make all these determined plans – which lasted days. Then I find the first excuse I could think of and BAM – I call back into darkness, stumble around and wonder why I am not happy. What I never realised was, that I was afraid, believing in stupid beliefs that I just made up.

Your life can be amazing, if you just have the right mind set. Mind Set. Mind set changes everything. You don’t realise how powerful it is until you analyse your own life. What can seem to bleak and unfulfilling can be turned into something exciting and opportunistic within seconds. This all comes down to being present. When you are present you can really be in the moment, enjoy the small details and make the right choices. Having choices turns into taking actions. Action is the most important thing anybody can do. Actions turn into results. 

It is so simple to be happy and live the life you want.

  • Have the right mind set
  • Be present
  • Make the right choice
  • Take action
  • RESULTS

And of course, even if it is simple it isn’t easy. In fact it is easier to have a terrible mind set, distract yourself, make the wrong choice, take no action and make excuses for others who have the results you want. This is all because of the stupid beliefs we made up about ourselves. Once we realise that we have these stupid beliefs, we can CHOOSE to disregard them.

This is my new journey. To go beyond those fucken thoughts I made up. To be in the right mind set, be present, make the right choices and take action to get the results I want.

Is this going to be hard? Yes. The difference now is that I know I can do this. Because I choose to. I am planning my structure carefully. Surrounding myself with the right people. Most importantly, I am choosing to put value in myself. I choose to give myself the life, because I, like everybody else, deserve it. I choose to be happy right now. To live my life to the fullest. To appreciate the small moments in life.

I am excited to start my new journey. The remaining weeks in 2016 is to set myself for greatness. 2016 has been a great wake up experience. I entered it 23, scared, unsure and running away from herself. I am leaving 24, a woman who knows she can achieve the life she deserves.

 

1984 – The Play Review

I saw 1984 tonight. Was absolutely powerful.

Overview of the story for those who haven’t read the book (shame on you if you haven’t.. shame). Written by George Orwell in 1949 – which I add so we can appreciate what a GENIUS this man is for predicting the future (in a sense) so long ago – it is a story about a man named Winston Smith, living in a world controlled by “Big Brother”.

“Big Brother” is a cunt. It is essentially a party that wants to have total control of everything, including your mind. In this world, 1984, they watch everything you do. If you are caught thinking or having any negative thoughts against the party.. you are sent to the Ministry of Love. Which sounds nice.. but it isn’t. It contains room 101. So in this world, Winston does the unthinkable – he writes in a diary. Winston knows whats up, he is aware. He knows they are controlling history, unwriting people and lying to everyone. Everyone is lost, depressed and oppressed. Winston had enough and desires change more than anything. Winston then meets Julia. They discover a place that big brother isn’t watching and the two have an affair (which is their way of rebelling against Big Brother by falling in love..). Then there is this man called O’Brien, who seems like a good cunt. O’Brien tells Winston and Julia that he is part of the Brotherhood (aka the rebels), enlists them and provides them with a book written by the Brotherhoods leader. Sanity is not statisticalWinston finally feels free, he isn’t mad after all. Then boom. Big Brother really is always watching.. and indeed had been watching them the whole time. Such a pervert. Anyway, in the Ministry of Love, O’Brien turns out to be the biggest bastard of all and tortures Winston. Winston eventually loses himself once he truly betrays Julia. This breaks him. Turning him into the mindless puppet that Big Brother wants.

Do not let my terrible overview deceive you, the book is powerful and the messages regarding control and freedom are important. They are getting more relevant in today’s society, more and more people are getting censored. We are more controlled by our technology which gives access to the government and big corporations to spy on. Whether is it is the media controlling stories and using social media to make us believe it is the truth, or organisations using our data to manipulate and sell to us. Like I said, George Orwell was ahead of his time.

Anyway I have totally gone of topic- time for the review of the play.

I’ll admit, at first I was bored. The idea that the adaptation was going to be people in a book club commentating on the book whilst mixing it in with the story of Winston.. wasn’t great. They did this for about 30 minutes, and it didn’t flow. Once they got rid of that aspect, I truly engaged. The use of the lights and sound throughout the play, really made you feel connect to Winston on his journey. Once Winston and Julia are exposed, they use this to make you feel increasing uncomfortable and uneasy. This really transforms the torture scene to another level that he book cannot capture. Andrew Gower, the actor who plays Winston really delivers, from timid Winston, to empowered Winston, and then to broken Winston, he really embodied the aspect of the characters arc. His performance in the torture scene, along with the actor who played O’Brien (I cannot locate this name anywhere, apologies) was one of the most powerful I have seen in a long time. Along with the visuals, it is truly and experience.

Yes there are parts that drag (especially the start), put it really does build up in intensity and the final hour really is tremendous.

I would recommend it, if you have read the book. Without the context I think it would be confusing.

It has had some nasty reviews. I agree that is is slow, and the beginning is boring. I saw people calling it “pretentious” and “tries to be clever”, which I think is ridiculous and people just deflecting. It is literally just adpating the ideas from a novel into a performance. The “loud and confusing, making me nauseous” reviews made me laugh I believe missed the point, they are trying to make you uncomfortable honey. It is a fair warning though. If you are highly sensitive, or absolutely hard loud noises and flashing lights.. maybe go see Funny Girl.

All in all, I give it a 7/10. The ending is worth a 10/10 in my opinion, but the dragging out at the start just can’t be forgiven.

Finally being conscious.

 

I have been a failure recently.

I have been working on achieving certain goals. Some areas working better than others, but there has been this constant pattern. I would make great progress, but then all of a sudden I would be back at square one. I couldn’t understand what was happening.

Monday to Thursday this week, without realising, I had been so on point with my fitness and diet. I hadn’t focused on what I had been doing this week, but I rather focusing about running a marathon next year, and automatically I woke up at 6am, went to the gym, ran my little heart out, and was actually being a fucken bad ass. Then on Friday, it clicked how well I had been doing. And I was chuffed. Until about 7pm that night when I was binge eating and feeling like a completed failure. I was so angry with myself but had no idea what happened.

So I woke up this morning, forced myself to go to the gym, and rather than recognise this as a fucken accomplished because I had pushed past my resistance , I focused on the fact I didn’t do as well as I had on Monday. So my mood was pretty bad. Then I “had” to attended the “Genius Gym” which is a momentum workshop provided by Natural Success.

Back Story with my brief experience with Natural Success and the whole Genius Journey:

I went to the free workshop and signed up to I attended the 3 day Meet your Genius workshop they provided. I signed up intitally because it was the first time one of these seminars resonated with me. Previously looking at other people like Tony Robbins (who don’t get me wrong I still think is fucken amazing and had valid points) had  left me feeling like fucken shit. I am a person who has issues with trust, is hot headed and highly fucken flawed. I mean.. I don’t think Word Press has a word limit to how fucked up I am – thanks Mum and Dad! But in all seriousness, it was the biggest relief to be told I don’t need to fight this Identity anymore. I had struggled for so long, and developed such a hatred for myself because I was trying to change this Identity (which we create 0 – 4 and can’t change.. again thanks mum and dad!) and it didn’t work. I know I am a good person. I care so much about the world and for people. But sometimes I act like a cunt. It is how I protect myself. And what they teach at Natural Success, is that is all good (not that being a cunt is good.. but that you just need to accept this fake belief you created about yourself). This Identity isn’t who I am. It is just a belief. So this pulled me in. Then I got taught maigc. They taught tools (like innocence and a circle, which I am not even going to try and explain) but the main jist is behind it all is to just create what you love and to focus on an end result and you can achieve whatever you fucken truly want if it right for you. 

 Now I am a sceptic and  even though I signed up for even MORE training after the “Met your Genius” weekend.. I was still hesitant. So that week after I attended I decided to stay conscious (or what I thought was being conscious) and aware. I focused on an end result. One of which, I decided, was to get tickets to the Harry Potter Musical. Now this seemed impossible. I have wanted these tickets since I heard about the play. Even when I was in New Zealand, I woke up at 3 am.. yes 3 in the fucken morning, to get tickets.. which all ended in failure. So two days after I had decided t focus on the Harry Potter tickets I saw an email that they were randomly realising a few tickets on that day. Now, thousands of people went for these tickets. But I thought “Fuck them. I am getting these tickets today” and made it my focus. So I set my alarm, and was at work and frantically went onto the website about 5 minutes before they were released, which at this point the queue was a few thousand people. So I was fucked. However I noticed the list started going down because people had been to early for the tickets so had to restart being in the queue. I regained hope. I just needed to have good timing. Then it was about 2 minutes to go, it was almost my turn. and I was fucked again because I was to early. Then my browser decided to crash and I was so fucked off at my computer, I almost broke it. But I took a breathe and refocused my intention onto getting these tickets .. and bam. I got in. And guess who got tickets.. this bitch! After I calmed down (took a few hours because I was fricken ecstatic), I reflected and decided that what I had learnt at wasn’t bullshit and decided to commit to putting it into practice. And everything went well.. for about two weeks when I hit a snag. and I forgot all about Natural Success and slowly went back into old habits and being unconscious.

Okay. So now back to today.

I get to today’s momentum session. and I am in about a 20% bad mood, but I was excited (aka tension). I then ran into people I had met previously. They started talking about all this progress they had made on themselves and their end result. . I started internally getting so angry at myself and my bad mood increased to about 60%.. because, other than my epic Harry Potter accomplishment, I hadn’t succeeded in anything. I was a fucken failure. Ironically, the talk was about mastering tension. And I was sitting there brooding. Everything that Ryan starting saying was accurate but this was really pissing me off because I realised I had been dysfunctionally solved my tension on Friday by binge eating and I felt like such a fucken failure. (unconcious to the fact, that I was dysfunctionally using my tension all day).

We then got into groups and had to explain what was obvious about how others resolve their tension. I was C, so the first two rounds I had to explain what I thought was obvious about others in my group. However all the anger and hatred that had been building up all morning caused such resistance, I couldn’t get out of my head and serve the others. So when we were sharing and I saw how amazing my peers were at this work… I felt like such a selfish failure and that I was the biggest cunt int hat room. I didn’t belong there. They didn’t want me there. I wasn’t serving everyone.

So when it came to my turn for my group to analyse how I use my tension dysfunctionally, I was expecting them to say that I ate to resolve my tension. Because this is what I thought was how I solved my tension dysfunctionally. Then one of the people in my group said “You solve tension dysfuctionally by withdrawing from people and what you enjoy and  be really hard on yourself, it is like you use hate towards yourself to resolve the tension because this gives you comfort”. Now I was taken back.. and then another person said that they had picked up that I use “self torture” as a way to solve tension because this confirms my  underlying belief of not belong or nor being good enough. Now this pissed me off (thankfully, I didn’t  actually react).I thought it was completely wrong and way off the topic. To me, solving tension was eating, or having an argument with someone, not “self tourtue”. I then realsied I had failed the exercise because I wasn’t in innocence, because my ego was in fall swing internally denying all this. And I ended the day feeling depressed and angry at myself for not getting anything out of the day.

So I got home, and I just felt sad. A friend of mine there pointed out that she saw my genius solving tension by writing. And I decided to do some reflection through writing. So I went into innocence and I asked myself what was obvious to me about myself and why I was feeling depressed. And I laughed. Because through what I wrote it was evident that this “self hatred” and “anger” which my group rightfully pointed out. And I noticed the pattern. And looking at this on a page, it made me laugh. I have been so  over dramatic and wasted so much energy and time for 23 years doing the exact same fucken self sabatoaging and I never actually realised. How ridiculous is that? When all I need to do is refocus, and make the conscious choice to create something I love, and focus on a end result.  It is that fucken easy. HOW DID THIS ONLY CLICK NOW?

So when I realised this, I started getting excited, because it finally clicked. And excited is tension. And then my mind started its same old pattern to star reliving this. And I noticed it and decided to channel it into writing.. and bam. I wrote this. and I feel great and free.It is that simple. I feel awake for the first time in my life. And I know now, with such confidence, all I need is my circle, innocence (this will make sense if you attend the workshop),  and to be true to myself and I can achieve whatever the fuck I want.

II know this is just the beginning of my journey. and I am going to constantly going to struggle and need to refocus. But that is all good. As long as I keep refocusing. And expanding my knowledge. Because I know this is just the start, I haven’t seen fucken nothing yet.  In a couple of weeks I am attending the 5 day Create Your Destiny work shop. I am so happy that I have had this experience now though because I am going to be so much more committed and focused than I would of been before today.

I need to point out this isn’t exactly accurate representation on what they teach, as I said I am still very very new to this and have fuck all knowledge. I am not even using the tools or terminology correctly, so take everything I have written and my experience as a grain of salt. But one thing is that you NEED to do is look into Natural Success  http://naturalsuccessacademy.com. They have free 1 day workshops where you can find out what they are about.  I promise you, you will find something beneficiary. Because seriously, there is something fucken magic here.

The Good, The Bad and The Fat

Wow. I have been away from home for almost 6 months. It is crazy. I feel like I have been away for longer, yet it has gone so fucken fast. The last 6 months have been amazing, probably the best of my life. I am very happy.

The Good:
My absolute favourite thing about London? The Theatre. From Charlie and The Chocolate Factory to The Maids, they all have an amazing charm about them. Seeing a live performance is such a different experience than a movie or TV show. The performances seem more real, the talent is extraordinary and they become more meaningful.

I have also found a job I really enjoy. It is only a contract job, but the experience I am gaining is truly wonderful. It lets me appreciate business and hard work on a whole new level. Especially compared to my last job (which was fun) the amount of growth and knowledge I have gained is brilliant. I am very grateful for the opportunity.

The amount of new experiences this year has also been crazy. I am not going to list them all here, but I have go to do things that I have always wanted to. I feel like I am living my life in a whole new way. I am taking chances and really living. I feel like I have also finally discovered that happiness is a choice. What ever you focus on becomes your reality.

Which brings me to me as a person. I feel completely changed. I am happier, relaxed and more resourceful. That being said.. not all change is good change.

The bad.. and the fat…
Two years ago, I lost a lot of weight. I was in the best shape and health of my life. This gave me more energy, motivation and drive. Currently, as life as been crazy, my health and body has reverted back to its old state. I am around 65.5kgs right now.. FUCK.

I have also lost direction. I am a very ambitions person and I want to achieve everything I have ever even thought of doing. But I got lazy and complacent. Yes, I am happy and having heaps of fun, but I can still feel happy and have fun.. in a more balanced way.

So what do you do when you are lost? You pull out a map and get yourself on track.

Where I want to be and what I want to achieve by 31 December 2016:

  • I want to have a job that I am succeeding, growing and learning from (also if it pays well that would be a bonus)
  •  Ideally, I would like to get down to 55kgs however, the number on the scale is not important. What is important is how I feel. I want to feel healthy and be happy with my body. I can feel happy with some curves.. just not all this fat that is currently crushing my organs. I will also include, running a 10k and being a yoga goddess in here.
  • Write consistently. I have always liked writing, I get joy from writing. I just get that little voice in my head (that we all do), that tells me I am not good enough to write. Well fuck it. I do not write to write well, I write to fulfil this passion that is in side.
  • Get A’s in my studies. Yes – that is right. I am going to back study for my masters.
  • Continuing to live my life and experience new things
  • Stay happy and explore these new characteristics I have found inside myself. I want to overcome that stupid voice of self doubt and keep improving myself to be the person who I want to be.

6 months ago, I would have been overwhelmed at trying to balance all the above. I would of written the above believing I was purely writing words because I couldn’t achieve it. But now I know I can. I know I am ambitious, driven and resourceful. I can make any dream happen because I have already made my dreams happen. I am living in fucken London. I have also achieved so many things I have wanted to. I have the ability to do anything, we all do. The trick is to stay focused. It isn’t going to be easy. I am going to have many failures along with the accomplishments. I just need to breathe, smile and know that I am am a brilliant, amazing young lady who can do whatever the fuck she wants to do.

Watch out.

My day at “The Best You” Expo

Earlier this week I saw The Best You Expo come up on my twitter feed. Intrigued, I got tickets to the Sunday event. I didn’t really know what to expect from The Best You, I went on their website and casually picked my Agenda.

My Agenda:

  1. Sir Clive Woodward – “The DNA of a Champion: Talent Alone is not Enough”
  2. Robert Holden – “Being Your Best Self”
  3. Garry Jones – “Self Defence- The Art of Saving You from Yourself
  4. Bernardo Moya – “Turning Pro in personal Development”
  5. Jimmy Petruzzi – How to thrive and not just survive in the 21st Century
  6. Camilita Nuttall- “Taking Action to Succeed in Life & Business”

 

My alarm started screaming at 7am m. Yes – 7am on a SUNDAY! I had to convince myself to drag my ass out of bed and and I am REALLY happy I did.

Sir Clive Woodward – “The DNA of a Champion: Talent Alone is not Enough” http://www.clivewoodward.com/
I had no idea who Sir Clive Woodward was but it turns out he is remarkable and has an impressive resume. I mean he helped England win a World Cup ( that means they bet New ZEALAND) and he is a sir  which means he has met the Queen. He started out his speech with “Great teams are made of great Individuals”  and the crowd was hooked. Throughout his talk he talked about the importance of having a passion for learning and being a sponge. I don’t think anyone can argue that knowledge is power. I  would recommend checking out https://www.capturedhq.com/ I know i will be signing up. It is a place to capture your knowledge and also share it. How awesome is that?

My favorite point of his was the T-Cup – Thinking correctly under pressure. Asking yourself a simple question What would you do in this situation if..” . Yes, it may obvious but do any of us actually ask ourselves this question? Do we ensure we have thought about all these different situations so we are prepared to overcome anything and able to think correctly under pressure?. I think this piece of advice is a game changer.

 Robert Holden – “Being Your Best Self” http://www.robertholden.org/

Ah, the  happiness Guru Dr Robert Holden. I actually had first heard of Dr Holden from Oprah aka my hero. If Oprah endorses someone you know they are great.

He started by sharing the following quote:

 What a distressing contrast there is between the radiant intelligence of the child and the feeble mentality of the average adult.

– Sigmund Freud

He then explained how we have two selves. The ‘Unconditioned Self’ and the ‘Learned Self’. He said “You are already are who you want to be” Our true self, the one free from this self judging voice in our head, is already “perfect”, we do not need to change, we just need to accept the real us. Yes we can grow as a person, but our essence should remain unchanged. We don’t need to force ourselves to be someone we are not just because we are self conscious. The more we accept our real selves we can “Follow our Joy”.  One of the videos he shared was https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gHvATmUsSg. The video instantly makes you happy because they are being true to themselves and following their joy. As Robert said (and it happens to be the name of “his new book) “Life loves you”. 

 

Garry Jones – “Self Defence- The Art of Saving You from Yourself” http://garryjonescoaching.com/

Garry started his talk in a very a unique talk. He caught everyone ones attention by claiming he was going to demonstrate pain by dislocating somebody’s arm. I didn’t believe someone would do that but the more he talked and so confidently I was apprehensive. Especially when he handed out “pain” envelopes to everyone claiming one lucky person would match with the number he pulled out and would get to experience this pain. And I’ll tell you – although I was entirely convinced  I opened it and it read 22, all I could think was fuuuuuck. Luckily, as you can predict,  it was a joke and everyone got 22. But as he explained stress distorts reality. “Your biggest enemy lies between your ears”. 
He also gave out pleasure cards. And boy did I experience pleasure when I pulled out £5 out of that envelope. But it was short lived I had to give it away to my new friend,  but seeing the joy (as he made us analyse their reaction) brought way more happiness. As Garry said “Givers get”. I mean, giving is so much better then receiving.

Bernardo Moya – “Turning Pro in personal Development” http://bernardo-moya.com/

The man behind the Expo. His message was pretty clear, “Whatever you can visualize, you can materialize”. Study the greats. Plan who you want to be, when you want it and how it is going to look. And of course Why. He recommend a book by Simon Sinek “Start with Why” which I will definitely be reading. He also talked about Focus. Taking one thing at a time, giving that 100% and then you can move on to the next thing. He also made a good point that you can’t do everything but you can understand everything. And, at the end of they day if you want to be successful “Just fucken get on with it”. Which is so damn important. We can get so caught up in planning and making sure that everything is perfect we don’t actually accomplish anything. And of course patience, it takes time.

 Jimmy Petruzzi – How to thrive and not just survive in the 21st Century

I liked about Jimmy’s talk becuse he had so much passion. He talked about this struggles but he kept overcoming them and followed the path to his success because “you have to keep going”.  You have control of your life, you just have to take action. Reflect over your thoughts, which are healthy and which are not? “

 

Camilita Nuttall- “Taking Action to Succeed in Life & Business”

Okay. My favorite speaker of the day. This rock star speaker.. and believe me she is, is the first person I am going to call when I finally start a business. This lady is AMAZING, she said she could sell us the clothes on our back and I 100% believe she can. As she said, “If you want it, you will find a way to succeed”.  She gave amazing advice. Like asking. Asking can bring you so many opportunities. Also take risks – get outside your comfort zone. And many other amazing tips to succeed in business. “If you are not having fun with it – forget it” and that is a great point. If you are not enjoying yourself, you aren’t going to be able to push yourself and make the sacrifice you need  to make in order to reach your full potential. And she made a point also about asking for referrals. It is one of the easiest ways to create a larger client, which is obviously the goal you are trying to achieve.

 

The reason I love events like these, is not just for the amazing advice, but you leave feeling ambitious. Like you can conquer anything, anything can be achieve. A lot of them commented on how they started “at the bottom”. Camilita in particular said she use to collect bottle caps with her mother so she can afford to pay for school. She worked hard, and did everything she needed to do and now? She is a tycoon. With her personality I have no doubt we will be hearing her name everywhere soon.

These events are also for everyone. Yes, alot of the people there are established, have their own business and go there to find ways to advance and network. Which is great. Someone like me – who moved here  two weeks ago, unemployed and is rebuilding a life here in London can also be rewarded by attending.

The message at the end of the day is that you can achieve anythng, be who you want to be and have everything you can imagine. If you just work hard, grow, learn and just be be you. 

Goodbye New Zealand

The day has finally arrived. I have left my country to move on the otherside of the world. 

I have it easy. I am not fleeing my country. I also have Skype and so many other social networks to stay in touch with people. I am one of the lucky ones. 

Currently I am in Transit. Waiting at Singaporw Airport Changi. 

Leaving was easier than I thought. I wasn’t feeling anxious which suprised me. My mother cried, I’ve already called her to let her know I am okay. I am ready for the new chapter. New challenges and experiences. 

Of course being jobless and jobless isn’t glamorous. It is a very bizarre feeling. Very freeing. 

Excited for the Top Deck tour and exploring the sites. We got to do a mini tour of Singapore that the airport offers for free.

    

 
It is so beautiful. Very green. The gardens are superb. If it wasn’t for the humidity I would love to live here. 

Next stop London. 

Making a Murderer

I, like everybody else, just watched Making a Murderer in Netflix. IF you haven’t seen it.. Go watch it. Now.

I want to start out by making it clear by saying do not know if Steven Avery is guilty or innocent. My opinions are have been formed by watching the documentary (which has a high chance of being biased and edited) and what I have briefly read online. I don’t think anyone can know the truth without a confession due to the fact that the case against him was built from a witch hunt more than sufficient evidence. Which leads me to say.. HOW THE FUCK IS THE SYSTEM THIS UNFAIR?

I also want to express my sympathies towards Teresa Halbach. The poor poor young lady who did not deserve what happened to her- it is truly awful. She deserves justice.

Steven Avery is an American man – with a colorful background. It doesn’t sound like he was a particularly good man as he had been in jail for burglary, animal cruelty and assault.  In 1985 he was accused of a brutal rape and jailed for 18 years. After years claiming his innocence fit tears, a DNA test cleared him of this crime. It is believed that because of his troubled past the investigation of his case was unfair and unjust. A lot of people (it seems) could of prevented this if they hadn’t been ignorant and did their job properly.

After being released he, as most of us would, went after the system seeking  compensation (36 million) for the big fuck up job that they had made on his case. The people who were involved in the investigation for his wrong conviction were facing a huge lawsuit which would impact them heavily especially since their Insurance wouldn’t cover them. 

 Then a woman goes missing. A woman whose last whereabouts, conveniently, was the Avery farm.

Right from the start the police did a poor poor job at investigating this case. They had a target on who they wanted to be responsible for the murder Steven Avery. I mean this is gold for everyone involved, if he committed the murder they can get out of all the trouble they are in. At the time Steven was making them look like fools. I think they wanted this to be true so badly, they convinced themselves Steven Avery had murdered her. Maybe he did but they compromised their investigation from the start that it is impossible to fairly prosecute him.

They didn’t (from what I have read and seen) investigate any other suspects efficiently. In fact they made it pretty easy for someone to easily set up Steven, as their focus was on him from the start. And then those two idiot cops got involved and just happened to find evidence that magically seemed to appear. I think they they may have panicked because the current evidence isn’t sufficient enough. Without the evidence they had no real case and their careers and reputation have a lot riding on whether Steven was found guilty or not. That is a lot of motivation to manipulate or even plant evidence to ensure they have solid evidence to arrest and convict him. We are all human and have convinced ourselves to do something wrong and stupid to ensure an outcome that we desperately needed – they just took this stupidity to the extreme and perhaps costed two innocent men their lives and set a killer free. (Keep in mind this is all speculation but a lot of people are convinced. And yes this could be heavily argued but there is no actually evidence this has happened.)

Which leads me to Brendan Avery. This poor lost soul was 16 at the time of the murder. Brendan appears a little slow and is obviously easily manipulated. The police acted like fucken assholes and used this against him. If you watch his confession tape he is clearly being coerced into  saying whatever the prosecutors need to hear. I honestly teared up because I felt so sorry for the boy. I don’t believe had had anything to do with it. His story makes zero sense. The time line is off. The way he described the scene would be impossible without any evidence.  And there was not a shred of evidence putting him at the scene apart from his confession – a very unreliable chasing confession.

Sadly, as you can see in the film, they were both found guilty for the crime. They were doomed from the start. After Ken Kratz and his smug face kept talking to the media and ruining any chance Steven and Brendan had at an unbiased trial.

Ken Kratz is a man I don’t have anything nice to say about. I do agree with Kratz that the film makers had cast him as the “villian” and manipulated the story to make a good dramatic story (just like he does for a living). He just appears he is an egoistical, narcissistic and not a very nice man and this isn’t just over the Avery case but his actions as a person. His methods didn’t seem fair or ethical at all but that is the way the system works.

Kratz has come out and said they missed “key” evidence out. From what I read, minus a potential motive which the judged wouldn’t let into the case as it seems to be hearsay, they used most of the important pieces evidence. Nothing left out of the documentary proved he was guilty beyond a reasonable doubt.

Steven’s lawyers were amazing. They really did their job to the best of their ability. I think this is why the verdict was so shocking at the end. They provided enough information, and to some extent, disproved a lot of the prosecutors main arguments. Did they convince me he was 100% innocent? No (Well at some points they almost did but that was also due to the editing of the documentary). Did they cast doubt on the fact he was guilty? Hell yeah.

This documentary was very eye opening on how the system DOES NOT work. This man was previously in jail for 18 years for a crime he did not commit just because one woman, who had been through a  traumatic experience, was influenced by a police officer. Then jailed again, along with this simple nephew, on insufficient evidence and a flimsy investigation.  How often is this happening? How man innocent people are in jail right now?

I don’t know if Steven Avery is innocent. He needs a fair trial. A proper investigation needed completed looking at more than one possibility.  Teresa deserves this.  She deserves justice. 

Goodbye 2015

2016 is upon us. Time is going so fast.

It feels just like yesterday I was on the shores of Fiji, soaking up the sun looking forward to the future.

2015 was an interesting year. No major events BUT a lot of personal growth. Highlights include, the village tour in Fiji, Masquerade, Ed Sheeran concert, meeting Meerkats, Dinner at Hippopotamus for free, Meeting Russell Brand and jumping of the Sky Tower.

It was filled with amazing moments. And I feel like can only get better from here.

Next year of course is going to be completely different. New country. New job. New experiences. Sadly I say goodbye to some amazing people but adventure awaits!

My goal this year is to get set up in England. I want to start me career officially, put 100% into my job and gain a great reputation. I want to travel – lucky for me in 14 days I will be in Paris and setting out on a Europe tour. I also want to get down to 55kgs, which has been the goal for the previous two years. I got pretty close the last few years but can’t seem to break the 58kg mark. I want to maintain a Vegan diet. Resist the urges towards the darkside. Experience as many things as possible. Take every opportunity I can. Read 100 books (I got to about 75 this year).

I am very hopeful about 2016. It is all up to me to make this an epic year.

Christmas, Overeating and Relaxation 

Hello Hello,

Merry Christmas. 27th of Decemeber. 2016 is almost upon us! 

Where as the year gone?

I’ve spent the last couple of days pigging out, watching movies and relaxing with family. Sometimes it is quite nice just to chill out – especially because next month is going to be crazy travelling around Europe. 

Cold Mountion was the best movie I’ve seen over the last few days. Renne Zellweger was flawless in the movie. I understand completely why she won herself an Oscar. However I cannot forgive her for agreeing to make Bridget Jones Diary 3. It looks and sounds absolutely awful. The film industry needs to stop making these sequels and remakes just to make money!

Food wise – I have not been good these last couple of days. Nor have I been a Vegan. I’ve been super naughty. Cream. Heaps of Cream. Infact – on Christmas Day I had a whole bowl of cream. Very very naughty. I will not step on the scales. I can lose the weight gain once my family have left tomorrow thankfully

It has been good catching up with the family. Esspecially since I am leaving New Zealand in 15 days and will not be returning anytime soon. 

Christmas as very low key this year since it was just the immediate family. We just went to my sisters and had a beautiful brunch and exchanged a few gifts. My favourite gift of course was my Backpack (which I chose but my family paid for). Then we just chilled for the rest of the day.

The yesterday I spent the afternoon at my best friends house having a few drinks in the sun. My nephew came and played with their daughter in the pool. It is very entertaining each a 1 year old try and play with a 5 year old. My nephew also tried to be an “adult” and look after the 1 year old. Very adorable. 

Going to spend the next week of my holiday organising my trip, throwing a special party and burning of the calories I have consumed!

It may not be a pirates life for me.

Ahoy!

After channeling my inner pirate yesterday I am feeling pretty exhausted. Too much rum.. and by rum I mean vodka and wine.

It was my work Christmas party last night. On a Thursday. Which made today a very painful work day. But it was a great night even if I have a few bumps and bruises.. and maybe a slight concussion.

10857785_10152446148371780_6061115377185953439_n
Every year my work team dress up for our Christmas party. Last year we had an amazing time at the Zoo dressed (obviously) as animals. It was filled with laughs, alcohol and dancing.

 

This year was another great year. The theme was nautical. We had heaps of pirates, sailors, captains, swimmers and a Sponge Bob. I decided to go as a pirate. A simple easy costume. I didn’t want to spend to much as my money as I am going to need all I have for the UK which is in 24 days. I decided to draw on a eye patch which was a good hit at work. I also decked out my desk.

Cocktails were made and music was played. After some socializing we were put into teams. My team – The Love Boat – was a great mix of people. For the starting quiz we came second – which was rad because the questions were tough. Apart from the one about Nemo’s fathers name. I nailed that. We then had a scavenger hunt on the way to the boat.

We had to take photos and answer questions at little stops on the way to the boat. It was the most fun event of the night. We took some hilarious photos. In the end.. our team won! Not that surprising. We were awesome.

The boaIMG_8515t itself was great. An open bar always ensures a good night. The staff were really good. Unfortunately there wasn’t any Vegan food. So I just decided to go Vegetarian and had a potato salad and a beetroot salad (both at egg and milk products in the sauces). I would normally try and be very good but as I have been dieting I needed some food or the alcohol may have killed me.

The rest of the night went on the same. Dancing, drinks and conversation. We had a ukulele performance. I then discovered shots were available and UNWISELY spent sometime taking shots. Which made the rest of the night (thankfully almost the end of the night) a blur – however this could of been due to a possible concussion not the alcohol

I remember getting of the boat – apparently we went to a bar for one more drink. Then a couple of us went to the park. I played on the swings (as you do), went down the slide. Then I fell backwards. Not because of the alcohol (although that did have a role to play) but I tried to get up onto another platform but it didn’t work in heels and I slipped backwards smashing my head onto the concrete. I didn’t pass out but I remember everything wen fussy as I laughed at my clumsiness. After that I pretty much called it a night to have 4 hours sleep before starting the work day.

I don’t think I will be a pirate again for a while.

7/10 night. (would of been a solid 9 BUT 1 point came off for not the lack of vegan food, and 1 point off for the head injury which has resulted in a bump in the head)